21….I am 21 years old today. It doesn’t seem right; surely there has been a mistake, surely I am still only 18.

But of course, there has been no mistake. These last three years, with all their beauty, confusion, struggles, mistakes and triumphs really did happen. I have this blog to prove that. I started this blog when I was 18, intent on being a published author by the time I was 21. That never happen…but a lot of other things happened. Life happened. Two and a half years later, I am still very much the same wide-eyed girl, still impulsive, still very much a dreamer; still consumed by the same, strange longing which drives me to put words on a page, trying to answer the hidden questions that burn my soul.

And yet, I have changed. I have grown up. I have seen what I can do…and what I cannot do. My dreams have been tempered by life, they have been changed and altered, but, I think, for the better. The last few years of my life, recorded on this blog, have been the most interesting of my life. I have learned so much, felt so much. I can never be the same, but this time the change does not scare me. Change, I have learned, is my friend.

I used to think that contentment meant learning to accept your circumstances and draw every last bit of beauty out of them. That is a part of contentment, true, but I have learned that there is another part, a bigger part. Circumstances change; God rarely gives only set of conditions to each person in their life. He gave us the world, the shifting, inconstant world. . .and He gave us ourselves. No one, no matter who patient and uncomplaining, will every be truly content until they are content to accept the burdens of personality God had given to them. To know yourself, as a human being made in the image of God, as a sinner redeemed though the blood of Christ, to be content in who you are–that is the most difficult challenge of all.  And that is the challenge I have learned to accept.

 

I am 21 and now is the time for new beginnings.

One such new beginning will be starting today. I am closing down this blog (or rather, will not be updating anymore). If you like, you can follow my ramblings at my new blog here. Looking forward to the new and old challenges life throws at me!

No, I’m not dying. Neither have I been in a coma since January 24. I have simply been busy…and forgetful. In all fairness, I’ve been working up to and sometimes over forty hours a week; and until three weeks ago I was also in school.

It’s amazing how quickly work and college can swallow your life. Both have been time and thought consuming; yet both have been fulfilling. I have won several victories over the last few months. April and May, in particular, were amazing. I submitted an essay written for my English class to the college’s best essay contest…and won first place. That was amazing, just knowing, or receiving confirmation that I really do have a gift with writing. In the wake of that win, I came to several realizations. The most important of which is the newfound desire to pursue a BA in creative writing. Somebody  said it was interesting watching me go full circle: from wannabe writer, to EMT, to CNA and now back to writer. I guess I did go full circle!

The other victory I have had lately was being voted Employee of the Month. Being the way I am, I care (and care very much) what others think of me…mostly only the people I respect. So it was great, getting that honor, knowing that my efforts aren’t going unseen.

 

Well, this is neither the longest nor the best blog post I have ever done, but I’m going to publish it now, just so it’s out there and I can’t procratinate. I have missed this blog.

Okay, I admit it. Being home schooled does have at least one major difference from out-of-the-house school: I never had any homework. Now, however, I have my pick of homework. . .including my 5 page, double-spaced personal narrative essay due this Friday.

I don’t know why they call it homework. Mine has been following me everywhere, and not limiting itself to home. It even followed me to work where I began correcting the grammar of a 90-something, very confused resident (much to the entertainment of my fellow aides). What can I say? I’m eating, drinking and breathing grammar, spelling and thesis statements right now.

Funny how life works. No sooner did I announce my intention to resume regular blogging than my computer died.

And no sooner did my computer die than did I not come into a large sum of money. So, no computer, no money to replace it. Thank goodness for the library!

Computer woes aside, I’ve been dong very well recently. Work is going great (other than that there is too much of it) and Monday starts my new semester at college. I’m pretty excited about it; nervous and excited. I always said I wouldn’t go to college unless I was going for something and now here I am, a little older than your typical first year college student but with a direction in mind.

Of course, going to college will mean getting out of bed before 8 am. . .

The following are things which have kept my busy during my month-long vacation from the blogosphere.

  1. I have been working a lot. 40 hours a week easy, often as much as 60 hours a week (EMT shifts are 24 hour shifts).
  2. Consequently, I spend a lot of time on the road.
  3. I have been reading a lot. Lloyd Alexander, Ursula Le Guin, Frank Herbert and Gail Carson Levine are just a few of the many authors whose works I have been devouring lately.
  4. I have been watching a lot of movies, including, but not limited to: The Namesake, Extraordinary Measures, The Quest for Camelot, Milo and Otis, the Cosby Show, Quantum Leap.
  5. I have gone to the movie quite a lot lately; I saw Tron Legacy, Unstoppable and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
  6. I have been writing more poetry and have been in the mulling-over stage of turning a few of my older, unfinished stories into short, completed, stories.
  7. I have been going out a lot more often with friends.
  8. I have been getting ready to start classes in January.
  9. I was part of an EMS funeral for a coworker of mine who was killed while on duty. That was a solemn experience I was honored to be a part of. . .though I never want to go through that ever again!!
  10. I avidly followed the Sing Off on TV.

I break my almost month-long silence to wish everyone happy holidays and I hope you all had a good Christmas. I know I did!

Two posts to follow soon: one of updates and the other just random stuff.

It began two weeks ago when the state of Indiana finally gave me a test date for my CNA certification: December 3. Given that they had initially told me I would be tested in early November. . .well, you can probably guess my sentiments toward bureaucracy at the moment.

With a big test like that, I had been spending most of my time with my nose to a book (a not-so-unusual state of affairs, except that this was a text-book). And then, one day last week, right in the middle of a particularly deep study session, I got a phone call from my CNA job; one of the girls had turned in her notice and could I please take over her hours? Oh, and those hours include today, half an hour ago. So between work, study, other work and sleep, I have neglected this poor blog.

Anyrate, my CNA state test was Friday——and I passed. And not by the skin of my teeth, either.

Now it’s off to church, and then work. My next day off is Friday. Sheesh, that girl picked some lousy hours!