21….I am 21 years old today. It doesn’t seem right; surely there has been a mistake, surely I am still only 18.
But of course, there has been no mistake. These last three years, with all their beauty, confusion, struggles, mistakes and triumphs really did happen. I have this blog to prove that. I started this blog when I was 18, intent on being a published author by the time I was 21. That never happen…but a lot of other things happened. Life happened. Two and a half years later, I am still very much the same wide-eyed girl, still impulsive, still very much a dreamer; still consumed by the same, strange longing which drives me to put words on a page, trying to answer the hidden questions that burn my soul.
And yet, I have changed. I have grown up. I have seen what I can do…and what I cannot do. My dreams have been tempered by life, they have been changed and altered, but, I think, for the better. The last few years of my life, recorded on this blog, have been the most interesting of my life. I have learned so much, felt so much. I can never be the same, but this time the change does not scare me. Change, I have learned, is my friend.
I used to think that contentment meant learning to accept your circumstances and draw every last bit of beauty out of them. That is a part of contentment, true, but I have learned that there is another part, a bigger part. Circumstances change; God rarely gives only set of conditions to each person in their life. He gave us the world, the shifting, inconstant world. . .and He gave us ourselves. No one, no matter who patient and uncomplaining, will every be truly content until they are content to accept the burdens of personality God had given to them. To know yourself, as a human being made in the image of God, as a sinner redeemed though the blood of Christ, to be content in who you are–that is the most difficult challenge of all. And that is the challenge I have learned to accept.
I am 21 and now is the time for new beginnings.
One such new beginning will be starting today. I am closing down this blog (or rather, will not be updating anymore). If you like, you can follow my ramblings at my new blog here. Looking forward to the new and old challenges life throws at me!